Question:
I received this in email and thought all of us could use a good laugh!
You might be from Florida if...
You exhibit a slight twitch when introduced to anyone with the first names of Charley, Frances, Ivan or Jeanne
Your freezer never has more than $20 worth of food in it any given time
You consider painting the plywood on your windows, to accent the house color
You think of your hall closet as "cozy"
Your pool is more accurately described as "framed in" rather than "screened in"
Your freezer in the garage now only has homemade ice in it
You now know what FEMA stands for and exactly what they pay for
You now understand what that little "2% hurricane deductible" phrase really means
You're putting a collage together on your driveway of roof shingles from your neighborhood
You were once proud of your 16" electric chain saw
Your Street has more than 3 "NO WAKE" signs posted
You now own 5 large ice chests
Your parrot can now say" hammered, pounded and hunker down"
You stop what you're doing and clap and wave when you see a convoy of power company cars come down your street
You're depressed when they don't stop
You have the personal cell phone numbers of the managers for: plywood, roofing supplies and generators at Home Depot on your speed dialer
You now think the $6000 whole house generator seems reasonable
You look forward to discussions about the merits of "cubed, block and dry ice"
And finally, you might be from Florida if:
You ask a friend up north to start saving the Sunday Real Estate classifieds!

Answer:

Florida Hurricane Season Notes
(hey you have to keep your humor through these storms......)
We are in the peak of the hurricane season. You're going to turn on the TV and see a
weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and
making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're
new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to
prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.'' Based
on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step
hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long
as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately, if your home is located in
Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most
insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance,
because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly
not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have
to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you
an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house.
At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George,
I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This
week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a
policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan
are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows,
all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you
get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use,
and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you
will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane
winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check
your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
visiting relatives, etc.. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming
pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built
immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an
evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a
low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says ``Florida",
you live in a low-lying area.)
The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in
your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a
gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred
thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of
supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait
until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into
vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who went through Camille; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by
turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers
stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally
important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise (a.k.a. "The
Sunshine State").

Answer:

I'll take my snowstorms up here anyday

Answer:

Foxfire and Fairdust:
Thanks to both of you for the humor. I copied, pasted and emailed them to a whole bunch of people who live in Nebraska, or have escaped from Nebraska.
Also to several people in the Insurance Business.

Answer:

You are most welcome Skogie. As Jimmy Durante said, "I got a million of em!" lol

Answer:

You keep $600.00 worth of Spam in the cupboard

Answer:

I got this and could NOT resist sharing.... guess this way we don't have to worry about falling into the Ocean!!!!

Answer:

......... Florida looks good up there...!!!

Answer:

FD? You must know someone I know. Do youknow anyone named Teresa that lives near Bradenton? I can't spell ot pronounce her last name....lol.
I got the same email!

Answer:



Answer:


While we might know the same people, one of my professors is the culprit I receive MOST of my jokes from. I get several from friends that think I need to relax, and there are a few from t/n that share with me. I only pass on things in email I truly enjoy, heck if passed on all of what I got I'd do nothing but forward mail. I share in here what I think more would get a laugh from, saves me typing.
Get that wallpaper up yet?