Question:
Ye Kingdom of Ye Angelface the Onct.
In ye days of olde, a lady didst set out for ye Wall-Ye-Marte. On ye way, she espied ye Honeste Johnes Used Kingdoms. On ye whim, she stopped in, and found ye delightful little kingdom at ye bargain rate.
She purchasethed it and changed her name to Queen Angelface the Onct. (On account of she had onct. At least that’s all she’d admit to.) QUIT GROANING-IT’S GONNA GET WORSE!
She was most busy at first. Knitting ye hovels for ye peasants-making lords and ladies from ye Julia Childes Cookbook-and sending out her maidservant Ye Dais, who returned with many knights. (Knights always follow Ye Dais, you see)
And ye kingdom became very prosperous. Ye peasants tilled and tended, ye Lords leaped, ye Ladies waited, and ye Knights stood around in their polished armor. (Had to-ever try to walk in 300 lbs. Of iron?)
And one of her knights was ye Wuzzy. His armor wasn’t polished, indeed it was battered, for he was one of those working knights. He had his great broadsword, with which he smoteth his enemies. At least his squires hoped he smoteth them, ‘cause if he missed, it made him spin like a top, drilling him into the ground clean up to his eyeballs. Really P.O.’d them, ‘cause they had to dig him out. Didn’t make him happy neither.
Unlike the rest, who had joined in hopes of seeing Ye Dais dawning (Yes, that means exactly what your dirty little mind thinks it does) he’d actually showed up looking for a job. He had studied his craft under that greatest of knights, Ye Sir Rikki of On The Barroom Laying, Englande. Before his tragic death (He tumbled off a bridge into the Thames in full armor on his way home from a mead quaffing contest, which he won handily, and sank like a rock. Never came back up.) he taught Wuzzy all about Knightcraft.
Sir Rikki even served Englande in that moment for he plunged right thru an invading French ship, taking it to the bottom with him. He had the Order of the Garter from the King. (Got a lot farther than that with the Queen, but never got caught.)
Anyhow, Queen Angelface held ye Wuzzy in great esteem, and on feast days, did give him a place of honor. He would sit there, quaffing mead, ducking bones, and kicking the mangy dogs fighting over them. (Ye kingdoms were somewhat unsanitary, you see.) All the while, he was wishing someone would invent indoor plumbing and Bennigans.
And ye fame of ye kingdom did spread far and wide. And ye word of it’s prosperity didst reach the ears of ye barbarians. And they became sore jealous. And they didst invade ye kingdom, charging across the lands. (Using stolen Visa and Mastercards, for they were most bad barbarians.)
And ye peasants didst abandon ye hovels and flee-eth far and wide. And ye Lords and Ladies didst split as fast as their carriages would go. And ye Queen Angelface cried unto her knights, “Ye must defendeth mine kingdom!”
And ye knights replied “Not us babe. You hired us to stand around flexing our muskells. Nobody said nuttin’ about fighting. Liable to ruin the shine on our armor!” and they left!
“Who shall defend the kingdom?” cried Queen Angelface.
And ye Medicinewoman (that great female magician) didst cast her eyes about. And when they bounced back, she put them in again, and cried “Behold ye Wuzzy! How straight he stands! How stern his visage! He shall defendeth thine kingdom!”
And ye Shaman looketh at him and thought, “Hell, he’s blotto! Now I know what happened to that quart of mountain tea. That stuff will petrify jello!”
But ye Queen knewest this not and she declared ye Wuzzy “Defender of the Realm”, and bugged out.
And ye Shaman and ye Medicinewoman didst likewise, first leaning ye Wuzzy on the ramparts.
And it came to pass that ye barbarians arrived at the gates of ye castle. And ye leader called out, in the language of the barbarians, “Hey’ Y’all. Opin ye gaits” (They were Southern barbarians, you see)
And ye Wuzzy replied, “Wha’ for?”
“’Cause,” said ye leader. “We’uns wants to sack this cas’le!”
“Take an awful big sack”, said ye Wuzzy.
At this, the fiery red headed Amazon on the leaders right, one Intim the Red, yelled “GOT ONE RI’CHEER!”, and shook out the biggest gunny sack you ever saw.
And ye Wuzzy agreed it was big enough, but wanted to know just who he was.
And the leader said, “I am Slowfuse the Confused, stealer of villages, ravisher of animals, and burner of nubile young maidens!”
And the Valkerie on his left, one Shady the Hammer, shook her great hammer, and cried, “Know ye now why they call him the Confused one!”
And all the barbarian host called out loudly, “Got that right, babe! Yeah, buddy!”
And Wuzzy looked at the host and figured he was in deep doo-doo if a fight started. While he was smoting, they’d be smiting, and that Shady would probably put a few more dents in his armor with that hammer. ‘Sides which, that red head was winking at him and shifting around in her saddle. He’d heard about them wild Southern barbarian women!
So, he decided to try a different tack. Knowing a little barbarian, he said, “Looka here, Bubba. Cain’t just give it ta ya. If I did, the boss lady would strap my laigs sumthin fierce. Tell ya what, I’ll cut ya a deal. 70% off list.”
And ye Slowfuse didst laugh, “HA!HA! Thinkest me a backward barbarian? WE DICKER! 80%”
And ye Wuzzy thought, (“Got a live one here”)
Aloud he said, “50%”
“100%” roared Slowfuse.
“35%” said Wuzzy
Slowfuse turned red in the face and slammed his helm on the ground with such force, he rent it asunder! (In other words he broke his hat).
“125%, and that’s my final offer!”
“There goes all our profits,” muttered Shady.
“Yeah,” said Intim. “How do we get stuck in these lousy stories, anyway?”
“Dunno,” said Shady. “Just bad luck, I guess. Could have at least given us bigger costumes. This wouldn’t cover a gnat’s butt, and this iron bra is killing me!”
Well, Wuzzy said he’d take it, cash only, no checks or credit cards.
So Slowfuse sent Intim and Shady amongst the multitude, and after busting a few heads and turning a couple upside down and shaking them, they got enough gold, silver and jewels to meet the price.
This was passed up to Wuzzy, who then sent down the title, and Slowfuse marked his X. (Really got her mad, too, because he used non-washable ink.)
After changing all that heavy stuff into 100 dollar bills, Wuzzy threw down the key and ran out the back before the barbarians could catch him and take it back. (Which they intended to do.)
Leaping into his Viper (They don’t make Chargers anymore) he’d just got it started, when Intim jumped into the passenger side!
“Floor it Sweety!” she yelled. “I’m sticking with the money!”
“What about your partner?” asked Wuzzy.
“Oh, she should be able to make a good living building outhouses,” said Intim. “After all, she does have that hammer.”
When they caught up with the Queen, Wuzzy, being a man of honor, gave her the money, keeping only 25% for a broker fee.
“Ye done good!” cried the Queen. “There’s enough to buy a high-rise with indoor plumbing and central air. We’ll invest the rest in growth stocks, put the peasants in apartments(charging rent) and turn the lords and ladies into office workers!”
“What about the knights?” asked Wuzzy.
Queen Angelface frowned. “Well, all they want to do is stand around, gripe, and polish metal. I KNOW! We’ll make cardrivers out of them. They’ll be a natural!”
And so she did. And all dwelt in contentment and peace, save Slowfuse.
He eventually realized he got snookered, and did wax wroth exceedingly. He actually wanted to wax Shady, but she threatened to whop him upside the head like he’d never forget. Wroth on the other hand was always willing to try something hinky.
OH! ………Wuzzy and Intim?………They’ll never tell!


Answer:

WUZZY HAS LOST HIS MARBLES!!! No need to panic though folks, noone should slip and fall because he never really had too many to begin with. At the most I would say there are one or two rolling around the floor somewhere. Mind your step.

Answer:

Next time I see her. Show a little respect TWERP!

Answer:

Wuzzy Dearest. My poor children think mom has done lost her mind. I am sitting here laughing so hard I am snorting..not very lady like of me huh?? That was classic..tooo fun. Bravo!

Answer:

ROTFFLMFAOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo MAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Help me up...you know how I get laughing.....OMG....Wuzzy this is incredible!!!!!! Holy Crap this is funny!!!!!
Official Member Of
President: PK
Vice President: Hoss
Our is now open
©RCN
"Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!"

Answer:

Oh Wuzzy, the tears are flowin'. My ribs hurt, I can't see the screen clearly and now I have to go get the towels to wipe off my desk. Dang that was funny.
ROFLMAO!!!
Shady

Answer:

OMG!!!!!!
WUZZY!!!????!!!!!!!!
I am laughing so hard I can hardly breathe!!!!
GEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!
Kat
INTIM??!!
WHO in the hell is gonna pick ME up??!!!! I CAN'T get up off the floor mySELF!!!!!!!
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Answer:

OMG! I just cant believe it myself,how can you keep outdoing yourself like this?ROFLMAO!! Keep it up!

Answer:

Can I have your lawyer's office address? I need to know where to send the bill for the repair of my computer. Yeah I know it's my fault that I was drinking a chocolate milk while I read this one. But it's your fault for writing something soooo funny that I sprayed milk out my nose when I read it. Therefore I'm seeking assistance with my computer repair bill.
Basically, it is my position that your humor is having a very negative effect on all of us here. Mama can't stay in her chair, my keyboard is soaked, Freckle has become dis-respectful, Shady is crying, Intim is on a laughing jag, and AF has lost her mind.
I think the court will decide for me.
M...will press charges if Wuzzy ever quits entertaining us with his wonderful stories.

Answer:

i thought i was supposed to rape the fields and pillage the women? thats what i do when i play yankee at reenactments.......

Answer:

I do show a "little" respect. Unfortunately it is left up to the kids to determine when the old farts (parents) need the straight jacket. Wuzzy is a sneaky one though.
Just kidding, I just have a hard time acknowledging this is the man I grew up with, but then after putting up with us 3 kids (mom too) he has to have a strange sense of humor.
Keep the stories coming there Wuzzy, don't want no lynch mob coming after me. I'm just glad he doesn't have a scanner cause then I would be in really deep doo doo.

Answer:

Wuzzy, my kids just walk out the door. They think I have finally flipped. They wanted to see what was so funny, but I told thgem to go get their own puter. You just keep bring them out. Ha ha ha
Momma, I,m down on the floor too. I think I,m going to move everything to the floor. Safer that way.
Be safe out there......