Question:
Ok, here goes... Another installment in the continuing saga of Payton Place, otherwise known as my dwelling, where I get my mail and my bills, where I get a pass to visit once in awhile.
Last December I found out my son's g/friend (16) was pregnant. I waited to see what they would do. Hoped he wasn't going to be prosecuted for statutory rape, a definite possibility. The kids decided they would give the baby up for adoption. I had told my son he had to get a job by the time the baby was born, or move out; since he was old enough to enjoy the liberties of being an adult, he needed the responsibilites that go with the territory.
He went into the Army. I decided it was unfair of me to be so biased against his g/friend, and I needed to give her a chance. So we reconciled. It looked as if there was no reason to fear the statutory rape thing; the kids still wanted to get married.
She went with me to GA to attend his graduation. Two weeks on the car with a 16 yr old (not your own kid), is a tall order, but we managed. No major problems, and made it home ok.
During this same period of time, my older daughter (23 now), had been using my pickup car to look for work. She said she wanted to buy it from me. I reduced the price to her by over half of what I paid for the car. But even after she started working, there was no hint of any $ towards paying for it. AND then all of a sudden, she had an attitude! Too much trouble to take me to work. Too much trouble to pick me up. Things went from bad to worse, we got into a major quarrel. I told her she needed to make payments on the car, and also start paying room and board $150/month. She went ballistic! Her worthless boyfriend got his 2 cents in, as well, and I told him twice to stay out of it. He burned rubber in the yard where I was standing not 2 inches from his pickup, and they left. They went to the house. I was so shook up, I couldn't stop shaking. They went and cleaned out her room, taking with them my pickup, the title to the pickup (which had arrived from DMV while I was not home), my husband's remembrance box, and a bunch of my stuff.
After we got home from graduation, J, my son's g/friend decided she wanted her baby who was then about 2 months old. She had, essentially been forced into accepting adoption as her only choice, so she asserted her legal right to reclaim her baby. I allowed her to stay at my house since her mother wouldn't allow her to bring the baby to her house. J was doing really well with the baby while I was at home, but as soon as I left, her mother along with the social worker, J's aunts and others, and the adoptive parents converged on my house at about 4 in the morning and took the baby. Her mother threatened to pursue my son for statutory rape if she didn't sign the final release papers for the adoption. Outnumbered and intimidated, she signed, wanting to protect my son, her beloved.
J spent the remaining 2 months with my younger daughter at my house waiting for my son to complete his individual training. BUT -- J had an inclination to use drugs, drink, have indiscriminate sex with neighbors and have temper tantrums. My daughter had her hands full. At last, J exploded just two days before my son was due home. She willfully put her fist through a bedroom window and took my wireless phone out in a field and threw it as far as she could. She called the police on herself (NOT the first time), and was taken to a psychiatric hospital where she was held for the mandatory 3 day suicide watch.
She was diagnosed as being bipolar. So - ------ the issue is this: is she accountable for her behavior? She seems to think that because she now has a "reason" for her bizarre behavior, it should be overlooked. I personally don't think so. Bipolar disorder can cause some erratic behavior, to be sure, but immoral??
My son is still head over heels over her, but questions her integrity, her faithfulness and whether he wants to go through with the marriage. I am discouraging any immediate plans to tie the knot. Let her prove herself, if she can, and I doubt that will happen. I have told her and her mother she is no longer allowed to be at my house. Nevertheless, the night my son arrived home, her mother brought her over (in my absence; I was late getting home), and she spent the night.Disrespectful, dishonest, and dismissed from my house.
According to Charles Kuralt, "Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."
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I should add that since my daughter took the pickup, I have NO personal transportation at home. No way to get home unless one of my friends comes to get me and take me back. This is a huge imposition on my friends. I have to rent a car for my personal use at home, to the tune of $200 for a 3 day period.
And I have to go see my mother as often as I can. She is living on borrowed time right now, and may not be here when I get home again.
According to Charles Kuralt, "Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."
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Answer:

Sorry to hear that things went south. It never fails though.....you be nice to a family member and they turn around and stab you in the back. I'd distance myself from the ones that twisted the knife and make the bonds with the good family members stronger.
They went and cleaned out her room, taking with them my pickup, the title to the pickup (which had arrived from DMV while I was not home),
The pickup is titled in your name. Report it stolen! If they forged your signature so they could transfer the title to their name, there's other criminal charges to be brought against them also.
Hope things get better.
How's things at your job going? We haven't heard any updates in a long time.
**********
"Got the bird dog on...
Dodgin' the scales...
80 miles an hour and a step outta jail..." From "Rollin' Home, Pirates of the Mississippi)
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"I've always been different with one foot over the line.
Winding up somewhere, one step ahead or behind.
It ain't been so easy, but I guess I shouldn't complain.
I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane." (from Waylon Jennings)

Answer:

Where in the world are todays kids getting this "you owe me" attitude?
Unfortunately, even with the best parenting it seems to be the norm.
Many kids today expect parents to house them, feed, them and provide vehicles, loans (you actually want me to pay it back???) etc. long after our legal obligations to do so have passed. And then feel they have the right to curse you, destroy your belongings, and take your things when you don't do as they wish.
Personally, I have experienced a few similar situations with my two boys and their significant others in the past. While their actions and things they said hurt me deeply, I stood my ground each time.
I had a similar vehicle issue. They had the car for 4 months and never paid the first nickle on it, then wanted to take off and move 9 hours away. But first they wanted me to sign over the title. My answer..."Nope, you haven't paid as agreed, you won't when you leave and that car isn't leaving this yard til you do. If it does, it will be reported stolen and I will have you arrested". My oldest son then proceeded to take the handle of a floor jack and start beating the &#^%$^# out of the car. All while his girlfriend cursed me and threatened to kick my butt. YEAH RIGHT! I called police, had them removed from my property, called her father to come and get their belongings and filed an insurance claim on the car.
My son and I did not speak for over 2 years. It hurt and angered me but it was a choice he made as an adult and there was nothing I could or would do about it. As expected, he came to his senses and has apologized numerous times over the years for that behavior.
The young lady he is now with (who is also the mother of his oldest child) is also bipolar, does some crazy stuff and blames her disease for everything she does. It's like a crutch for her.
I have told her that I don't accept that as an excuse and if she "indulges" her disease in my presence she will be forced to leave.
Those who are truly bipolar are most often so ill, that they don't even realize their condition causes the behaviors, much less use them as an excuse for what they do. They are often very embarassed by what happens and don't really want people to know they have that disease.
My youngest son wanted to go to college, his father said he wasn't going to help him so I footed the bill alone. The agreement the first year was for him to attend full time and carry a C average. I would pay for everything. He did fine the first year. The second year was a different story. He wanted to live off campus which is much more expensive. OK, no problem. The deal was then for him to carry a full load of classes, work part time to help with expenses and carry a C average.
Well he kept calling for more money, had every excuse in the world for not showing me grades, and not using the money I sent for the things he said he needed it for. So I called the college to check on things. He was taking 2, count 'em 2!, courses and failing 1 !!!!! He had no job and owed money to everyone. I pulled the plug on the money. The "Party is OVER" I told him. He proceeded to tell me and everyone who would listen to him that I forced him to drop out of college and ruined his future. He stopped speaking to me for over a year.
I worried, I fretted, I had no idea where he was or how he was doing. He finally came to realize he had been a fool for acting this way and is now behaving like the sweet boy I know he is. He is now a father, has recently lost his father, works 2 jobs, is going to school on his own and is trying to do all the right things.
Unfortunatly the young lady he had a child with is a spoiled brat who tries to control every aspect of his life, wants him to quit one job and school in order to be with her and the baby more, buy her a house they can't afford, and cut his ties with me. She is angry at me because, unlike her parents, I did not come running with checkbook in hand to buy her everything she decided she and the expected baby needed immediately!!! As a matter of fact, I have yet to purchase one item for the baby.
She has now kicked him to the curb because he won't do as she wishes and has announced that I will never see the child if she can help it.
I tell ya, I think kids need to be placed on an island somewhere from the time they hit puberty until they are 28 or so. When they return they will be humans again.
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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Answer:

It has come to a peaceful quiet end. More or less, anyway.
No marriage took place. Jesse still writes to his ex-g/friend, maybe will call her on occasion. But the relationship cannot go forward right now. She is still underage, living with her mother. And Jesse is in Iraq. Not where I would want him to be. But that's not my decision.
If in time, she gains some maturity (like I really think that will happen), maybe the two could eventually get back together and make it work. But I don't think that's the direction this is headed. Jesse has made a 180 in his life, reads his Bible and attends church. He's headed in the right direction.
Haven't heard from daughter #1 with the pickup car. I'm doing alright though.
According to Charles Kuralt, "Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."
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lightfoot I know how you fell abt your son being in iraq. My daughter has been there since April 1, we look forward to hearing from her when she calls. (not that often) but we pray every day, will add your son to our list. we hope he comes home safely and quickly
your friends carer_mom (Judy)
carer_mom

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Hey, hope things are ticking along.
BiPolar is a real condition that if the person is not receiving the correct treatment for this the potential for varience in moods is increased.
Perhaps the situation with her baby triggered her into firstly a deep depression followed by a manic phase. If this was the case then while she is accountable for her actions, at the time she would have been unawre of the implications.
My feeling from you post is that her mother is not managing her condition, to force someone to adopt a child is terrible.
My heart goes out to your son, the girl and you. You all have experienced this situation. However, you all have your own story to tell, which are very real for each of you.
Re your daughter....one day she may realise how much her actions have hurt you. Although kids are born to push boundries...some just push more than others....keep your distance, my intuation suggests that she will one day come around!!!!!!!!

Answer:

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. It was incredibly hard to say goodbye to my son, as I'm sure you know. As for daughter #1, there is nothing she can do that will change my love for her; it hurts more that our relationship has been damaged than it does that she scar a blow to me financially. I'll recover from that. But I want our family whole and healthy. That's what's truly important to me. I'm willing to wait it out. She'll be back someday.
According to Charles Kuralt, "Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."
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