Question:
Here's a few things that are bothering me a lot lately. caring related of course. Wonder how everyone else deals with it.
First, how do you make/ask/remind your carer not to track those nasty, messy work boots/shoes through the house. If those boots that walk thru those nasty foul smelling car parking lots and full of you know what and goodness knows what kind of chemicals end up on my bedroom floor ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna scream. If I meet him at the door, I'm nagging.
I know I want to get one of those boot trays from Home Depot, and make it a house rule for everyone when we get the new carpet. But it will be a pain in the arse for me when it happens, let alone asking company. I can imagine what would happen if I ask my older relatives to remove their shoes.
Second, a soon to be three year old is starting to want to know where daddy is and when is he going to be home. It's kind of hard to explain at her age, and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better.
Third, how do you deal with people that don't understand why you don't want to be at their cookout/party/breakfast date on the weekend. It's not like we have big grand plans, but with me and him both working all week, the one or two days we have are filled with chores, or the rare family time. I have a couple of good friends (with no other friends actually) that feel the need to stop in each weekend, usually around noon, for coffee. It used to be fun, but now it's just getting in the way of me having fun. When I try to explain we're busy (and we really are), I'm a mean person. Heck, I'm even accused by some of not being organized.
There are some more, but those are the top three and since they probably won't ever be on Letterman's list, I'm asking you ladies and gents.

Answer:

Originally Here's a few things that are bothering me a lot lately. caring related of course. Wonder how everyone else deals with it.
First, how do you make/ask/remind your carer not to track those nasty, messy work boots/shoes through the house. If those boots that walk thru those nasty foul smelling car parking lots and full of you know what and goodness knows what kind of chemicals end up on my bedroom floor ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna scream. If I meet him at the door, I'm nagging.
Keep "nagging" until you get him trained.
I know I want to get one of those boot trays from Home Depot, and make it a house rule for everyone when we get the new carpet. But it will be a pain in the arse for me when it happens, let alone asking company. I can imagine what would happen if I ask my older relatives to remove their shoes.
Your house, your carpet, your rules! If they can't abide by them, they don't need to come over to visit.
Second, a soon to be three year old is starting to want to know where daddy is and when is he going to be home. It's kind of hard to explain at her age, and I think it's going to get worse before it gets better.
Third, how do you deal with people that don't understand why you don't want to be at their cookout/party/breakfast date on the weekend. It's not like we have big grand plans, but with me and him both working all week, the one or two days we have are filled with chores, or the rare family time. I have a couple of good friends (with no other friends actually) that feel the need to stop in each weekend, usually around noon, for coffee. It used to be fun, but now it's just getting in the way of me having fun. When I try to explain we're busy (and we really are), I'm a mean person. Heck, I'm even accused by some of not being organized.
Being over organized sucks. Just tell your friends the truth. You get little time with hubby and your going to spend the time you have, with him. If they can't understand that, then, well.....
**********
"I've always been different with one foot over the line.
Winding up somewhere, one step ahead or behind.
It ain't been so easy, but I guess I shouldn't complain.
I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane." (from Waylon Jennings)

Answer:

I can feel your pain girl my whole family doesn't relize the no she thing because I'm the one who scrubs the carpets. Make them do it once or twice then they will start taking off there shoes. Worked for me and now they know if they make the mess they clean it. Works for dishes and everything. As for your three year old tell them daddy is out making money so they can have the things they want and if he has a cell phone on him let them call daddy and let them talk often. It helps your sanity and theirs. I cant say to much on the friends part because we pretty much keep to ourselves. We spend our time with our kids and that is about it.

Answer:

Missy, good point about making HIM clean up the carpet and the floor. I think I'll try it the next time. And then feel guilty though. Usually he pushes just to get home and spend that day and a half. And usually I've got a whole list of other things for him to do.
But, I'm gonna try it.!
Hoss, my friends just don't understand. The extent of it is, "Where is he"? And they think going ten miles to WalMart is a long ride.
Now, my girlfriends will leave us alone, the main culprit is a semi retired 65 year old crabby, crusty old Irishman. No one else puts up with him but us, and the hubby will call him if he dosen't show up (go figure). Kinda like a Kramer or Ralph Kramden mix. He's here so much, he was on his way over today and the 2 year old asked if he was coming over to put the trash out. No kidding! Hubby usually leaves out early Sunday and he does help with that. Still I kinda want some time to myself. I think....

Answer:

My only advice re the time is that its your life and you have a right to be happy, please yourself first. If your friends find it frustrating then they own the problem, you simply enjoy being with your carie.
It kind of reminds me that others who do not identify in the caring world really have little concept into the impact of the lifestyle on the families.
Also, the carpet, I agree if that is your house rule, then people should abide by it. However, just ensure that the older generation do not need the support of the shoes to aid with safe mobility (not a good look if a hip is broken while visting)
Re your child, the truth, perhaps the map thing tracking where Daddy is, regular phone contact, perhaps even carie ringing specially to chat with her.
You are awesome, you are a carie chick, don't take on others guilt!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer:

Ask the friends who think you are unorganized to help you get them done BEFORE your driver gets home. Then you will have more time for fun things.
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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Answer:

Skye,
I was really thinking about the map. We plan to move my daughter into another bedroom later this year. My plan, hopefully, is to get a wall map and kind of show her daily where daddy is. She does talk to him every night, but it gets kind of heartbreaking to him when she asks Daddy are you coming home. His never got to see his older kids from his first marriage grow up, this repeat with the little one now really bothers him.
Nurse Red, the folks just don't understand our life. They aren't here when I had to bundle the little one in a snowsuit just to shovel snow, or me and her pulling the trash cans up the hill.
Tonight I had someone call me and tell me the carney will be in town starting tomorrow. And that I REALLY SHOULD take my daughter. So after I work a full day, pick her up from daycare and pack a bag, I'm going to spend a few hours with her on the kiddie rides. I thought about doing it on the weekend, but I'm thinking maybe just staying out late on evening during the week might be fun and different.
BC, remembering when I used to work, party all night, drive home, shower and go back to work.


Answer:

Big chicken you are doing a fantastic job, don't be hard on yourself. You are so right about others not understanding this world of caring...accepting that is awesome. However, do what feels right for you.......your time with your carie is precious and yours to enjoy....you do not have to please everyone all the time.
Re your carie and not seeing his baby grow up. Don't take on his guilt...if he choices to change his lifestyle then thats his choice...I guess each moment he spends with your baby is precious.... its hard when you become the person responsible for not only your own relationship but that of your childrens with their Dad. However, don't take on the ownership of the problem. It appears that what you are doing is simply awesome to keep all the magic alive.
Finally, give your self a brake.......you deserve time for you also.
Take care and enjoy your carie...your friends if they are true friends will respect that they can not just come around during carie time...they don't necessarily have to understand it, just respect it.
Also re the night time fun......CAN I COME its sounds awesome

Answer:

As per Big Chicken;
BC, remembering when I used to work, party all night, drive home, shower and go back to work.

Ahh yes.......those were the days! But now that you're older, life gets harder.
I used to do the same....party all night, go home, shower and go to work, then do it all over again the next night.
Heck, at my age now, if I was to do this, it'd last maybe 3 days...AT THE MAX!!!
The only thing you can do, is what makes you and your family happy!
There's a song called "Class of 57" by the Statler Brothers. A phrase of this song goes like this;
"Things get complicated once you're past 18"
Ain't that the truth.
**********
"I've always been different with one foot over the line.
Winding up somewhere, one step ahead or behind.
It ain't been so easy, but I guess I shouldn't complain.
I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane." (from Waylon Jennings)

Answer:

BigChicken, friends will come and go. It's the ones that stay that you really need. There's no way to please everyone and family comes first. It sounds like you are very much on track.
It's those spontaneous events that your daughter will remember the most with fond memories. They don't have to be often, they just have to happen. Your putting your family time together at the top of your priority list sounds very organized to me!
Your three year old daughter will understand more as she grows older. You are correct, it is hard to help a three year old understand why daddy isn't here and why he can't be here when she wants him to be. In a three years world, they are the most important thing. Luckily Moms and Dads realize this too.
We used a "perpetual" calendar. Those are usually made of wood, the dates on blocks with special blocks for holidays. The kids "painted" their own blocks for events that interested them most (usually the back of a holiday block like Labor Day, Memorial Day etc.). These then became their important days, such as when Dad is expected home. Our map was on a cork board with "flagged" stick pins where they could track where Dad is on a daily basis. At times he would be a "Dweller type" and the map got rather decorative. Everytime he came home the pins were all pulled out to "reset" the map. Of course the map had to be replaced from time to time from wear and tear.
The day Dad was coming home, or the day before depending on weather, we would draw a welcome home picture, in sidewalk chalk, on the driveway or sidewalk for Dad to see when he arrived.
Just a couple suggestions to add to everyone elses.
For Owner Operator Jobs
*********
Heres caringjobs .com

Answer:

Love the sidewalk chalk. We have plenty of that, so when he comes home this week WE WILL DRAW!
You'll love this. We packed up for the carney after work today, drove down, put her in the buggy, wheeled two blocks to the rides, and it was shut down this evening, due to the downpour this afternoon. I'm thinking I'm going to make it my business (or at least try to) get to Dutch Wonderland this weekend. There were only three kiddie rides that she would have enjoyed at the carnival. Dutch Wonderland is for little ones. And senior citizens and kids two and under are free! I know two old ladies that would love to go, and Daddy probably won't be home but if he does we're going. Not to mention that he's never been on bumper cars and I want to show my "professional driver" some fun.
Skye, I'm trying as best as possible to try to tell my friends that our life is quite different, but they just don't get it at times.
And Hoss, I couldn't do it once (clubbing) now days. We used to club all over MD, Delaware, some of PA and some of Jersey. Now I'm generally in my pj's by 7PM. The only dancing I do is while holding the steering wheel. Traded in the sports car for an Outback, dreaming of a Volvo wagon and debating support hose and tylenol with my friends. Yup, a real party animal.

Answer:

Not tryin to be negitive here but is there not more to your life than this? Someone once said, "Ask youself this question" "When I look back in say 10 yrs and ask myself was that so important that I REALLY let it bother me?" Well what do ya think?
"I love You All!! Let Me See Your Hands" OZZY OSBORN

Answer:

Nope, right now, there's not really a whole lot more to my life than this. Will it be important ten years from now? Probably not, but some of it sure does bother me right now. Which is why I probably come here and ask how does everyone else does it.
Update, we went to Dutch Wonderland FINALLY last night. Of course, Daddy had to spend the day there and then leave right after we got home to sleep at the yard to get a good nights rest before leaving out today.
We also did the sidewalk chalk thingy when he came home this week. Now it's off to work to deal with everyone else's problems.