Question:
Hi! I found this last week and have empathy for everyone of you woman who are stuck at home while your husband/SO is out on the road. When I started driving in 1984, my wife of 3 years had just given birth to our third child 3 months prior to my going over the road. I mean, it was really hard, the pay wasn't good at all. My wife was 22 with a 2-1/2 yearold, a 1+yearold and a 3 month old. I would call home and give her the number off of my dial-a-check,(what a comchek is today). I was gone for weeks at a time. I often got homesick, in fact twice I got oof a car and came home, I was in training. It wasn't until I had been driving about 3 years(1987) that caring was starting to pay off for us, by this time though, we had another little girl,4 kids. I know today and I had an inkling back then what my being gone was doing to my family life, but like so many of us carers, we get that diesel in our blood and think that this is all we can do to make a decent living for our family.There were however nights that I would stop to call home and ther wouldn't be an answer, I would get so frustrated wondering, did something happen? are the kids Ok? Is my wife OK? So many thoughts. There were a couple of time that I called the sheriffs dept. to come and do a well check on my family.( In fact onetime we were living at this one place,well there was no answer so I called the sheriffs, when they arrived to check on my family(everything was OK ), But the neighbors thought my wife was a narc,LOL.Anyway, staying with a carer takes a lot of committment,TRUST, patience, and udestanding all the way around. I love reading the other posts here. Take it One Day At A Time and as it comes,You ladys are a special bunch.
Tom in Az.

Answer:

I'm sure this is not the only response you will get, but as the lady of a OTR driver, and a dispatcher I for one appreciate those words. My dad drove a car, in fact he died behind the wheel, as a child I did not understand how hard it was for my mom. I only knew how much us kids missed him. As I grew up, I started seeing things from a woman's point of view, and my mom really was a hero in a thankless battle sometimes. It is tough being home alone especially when these times call for us to have to work outside the home also, we have to work, do all the domestic things at home, take care of the kids and still save some energy for our men when they get home. Some can't handle it, and in the beginning wasn't sure I could, now I can't imagine my life without him. Again, thanks for the nice words.
M Ellen

Answer:

Thank you Tom for those wonderful words. I think those that do the driving, leaving their families to "man the homefront", have a great strength within themselves to turn the key in the ignition and go. My husband has admitted there are days that he just wants to leave the car and come home. The last time he did that he ended up in the Army. That'll teach him, eh?
Jenn
"Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service."

Answer:

Thank you for the kind words. I am a newlywed ( a little over a year), and somedays are harder than others. I also work fulltime outside the home, as well as in the home ! Summers are the hardest. I have my hubby's kids here as well as my own. we live ina 2 bedroom, so it is reallt ight for a couple of months around here. I absolutley have come to love the sound of that car pulling up the driveway !!!!!
Randi

Answer:

There is a song by Red Soviene(sp?) called "The Woman Behind the Man Behind the Wheel"......It is very appropriate.
Thanks Tom. I thinks sometimes people look at us wives with sympathy...but only because it's the thought of "ohh....you had to come alone again."
I knew caring was in my hubby's blood long before we got married. He wasn't even a carer yet. I am proud to be a carer's wife. He's got a tough job and he does it well.
We are a tough breed of women......and I love it!
Karen
**Husbands are great,
Every girl should own one!**

Answer:

Tom Thank you, Most people don't understand how we can do it. I know my friends can't. I know my guy knows that I go thru tough times when I get tired of keeping it all together when he is gone, and I end up takin it out on him then feel guilty cause he's drivin and nothin he can do about it other than worry. Luckily we are strong enough with each other that he also uses me as his sounding board, when he is po'ed at his comp. 4wheelers, etc. It all seems to even out. Besides gettin to fall in love with him all over again everytime he comes home.
Cindi s/o to Jon

Answer:

Thanks for those kind words Tom. It is nice to be understood.
My husband and I waited for our sons to be old enough before he went into caring. Mainly due to the long time away, and the danger of the job.
So now our oldest is overseas for 4 months with air national guard and our youngest will be a senior, homeschooling, this coming school year.
He and I love the lifestyle in a lot of ways. The money is good for us, and the time we spend together much more quality than it used to be.
I think he has the hard part. Not having a physical body around for the hugs, be it from me or friends. And sleeping all week in his car. He has a great attitude, most of the time though and we work as a team, him driving and me at home.
Kris

Answer:

As the former spouse of a driver and the widow of a driver. Your words are what many drivers go through everytime that they leave home.
As is our worst nightmare's going through our heads when you head out. We never expect that you won't come home and we never expect to get that call that you are hurt and may not make it.
cardrivers who opt to have a family and be gone for long periods of time should be commended for their bravery. You are one of the chosen few...

Answer:

That was sweet Yeah you are right in saying that most of these men get diesel in their blood and think they will never be good at anything else, but it is so hard for me to think of the future being the way it is now. I met my hubby on the internet about 4 years ago, we worked for the same online chat company (TalkCity). We chatted for 3 months before we decided to meet in person. He at the time lived in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada...a long , long way from KY. After we met in person that first time, I knew I was in love with him. So after the hardships of only being able to spend time with each other one week at a time every other month..traveling back and forth from here to there for 8 months..I had had enough!! So had he..so he moved in with me, then we were married a month later. I was so happy to have him with me and to never have him leave me to go back home to Canada 900 miles away ever again...Then came caring
This is really killing me, raising my own 2 plus his 2 kids all alone. I should be happy he is making good money but I know he loves doing this and will most likely continue doing it for a very long time. I know there is nothing here in this town for him to make that kind of money doing, and local driving jobs must have at least 1 yr exp. most need 2 yrs. I just wonder sometimes if we will ever be together full time again. It will be at least another good 10 years before I can go out with him all the time..and I suppose I am being selfish, but it isn't fair sometimes not being able to hold the one you love, not being able to tell them face to face how you feel and how your affection to them...not having them to do all those little things that they just seem to do alot better than you ever could. I go out in public and see other couples together and want him with meso bad... and hear about how my friend's hubby is making as much as mine does only thing is he is home every night mine isn't
I think sometimes I may need counseling for this way I feel. He has been driving since February and I think I have only held back the tears only twice.
Ok I'll hush now..man I really DO need counseling, I'm always depressed, I cry most of the time
Is there any help? I was told this would get better as time went by..but it isnt. If I would live for the day and stop dwelling on the future without him home perhaps I'd be better off huh?
Gosh I feel so stupid now
i'm sorry this was so long

Answer:

There have been many points given here that are so much like the military and I think I'm prepared for this new life. I am a "retired" Submariners wife. I spent the first 6 years with my hubby gone 7 months out of the year, I had 3 boys during that time (they are now 21, 20, 1. The only communication we had with our husbands were 8 "family grams". A family gram was a 38 word message that went out over the radio from squadron. Nothing personal could be said, nothing said that might upset the crew member, and all messages were screened before they were sent. They were sent only if the sub wasn't doing special operations or something. On one cruise my hubby got all 8 of his grams the last week out. Oh...and they could not respond to these messages. Meaning no contact for 3 1/2 months at a shot. He had 14 years of sea duty on subs,(out of 21) but the first 6 years were the worst. So, when I think of him being a carer, I can appreciate how the significant other feels about being left alone. But the bright spot for me in this, is that I can get phone calls! and now that my boys are grown I can go too!!!
Judy
All things happen for a reason

Answer:

I know exactly where you're coming from, and where you already been. My husband has been a Driver for about 4 yrs now. He has been an O/O since Jan. of this year and bought his own car in April. I got to go with him for the first time the week of The 4th(last week). I got to see first hand what a cushy (not!) job he has.
Up until this past Jan., I worked full time in a sit-down,family-type Restuarant. And believe me I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep when he first started driving. We have raised his 3 boys, my 1 girl and now are raising my sister's little boy and girl. They are 7 and 5, and sometimes I felt like I would never get through this, but it does get better. One thing that I think made it a little easier on me was that we had been married a few years before he started caring.
It was still tough to get used to, and the girls at work always said I had the best of both worlds, I just didn't see it that way. We had been together for about 8 yrs and he had only spent about 4 nights away from home, major adjustment for everyone involved.
If you ever just need someone to talk to, I'd be more than glad to be a sounding board, or just a open ear.
Act like you are going to drive a million years, Drive like it's your last trip.
Little White Dove, Quick Draw's Wife

Answer:

I too am very proud of my carer. We aren't married yet but we live together. I miss him so when he is gone and my heart gets a little lighter when the phone rings and it is him. I am blessed because he takes time out for us to go on vacations and special events. I really don't have a lot to complain about because he is usually there for the important things. He takes great pride in his job and he is good at it. I know it is hard on families when the men are gone.. so my hat is off to all the ladies that stand by their man and try to make life a little easier for them when they are on the road.
carersLady

Answer:

Tom...your words brought tears to my eyes. It was very nice of you to say such kind things.
You know what though? I don't feel like I'm a very special person. I'm just a wife, doing what she has to do to keep the man that makes her so incredibly happy happy himself. If that makes sense? I feel like I am the one that has been blessed.
Yes, it is a tough life. But his is tough, too. As sad as I get (and believe me, I get sad!) when he can't be home for Memorial Day, July 4th, Christmas, or even just somebody's birthday, I know that it HAS to be incredibly sad for him to call and hear us all having a good time while he is stuck in some carstop in BFE somewhere. I heard the sadness in his voice when he called me (while I was at my parent's house surrounded by family) from some God-forsaken T/S in a Louisiana swamp on Thanksgiving Day.
Sheila
Behind every successful man stands a proud but surprised wife.
When a woman says she loves the simple things in life why does she always look at her husband?