Question:
Why is it that he(my significante other) gets to go fishing every other week and I get to stay home and clean when I haven't been out of the house,except to go to the store in at least three months?It's not like he's otr anymore he has a local run and comes home at a decent time everynight.I'm going stir crazy....All I do is stay at home with our two children and babysit my niece.....Sorry had to vent!
------
No race will prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.-Booker T. Washington.
A women is like a tea bag-only in hot water do you relize how strong she is.
-Nancey Reagen
The ultamate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convence,but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
------

Answer:

Your question you've asked is addressed directly in a book ... the chapter is titled Stupid Priorities.
Just follow the link...

I also noticed one other comment from your post ... "Why is it that he(my significante other)...
...All I do is stay at home with our two children...
If you are not married to the father of your 2 wonderful children (I'm making an assumption here, since you did not say husband)... (he's really showing no permanent committment) ... why would you expect him to be home spending the weekend with his family ... ratherthan with his buddies fishing?
I think you know the answer to that one already.

Answer:

I read this in one of your previose posts and I do believe that you are entitled to your openion but I am too.My opinion is that a carers "mate"
is entitled to have friends in which to ask about situations in which they are stressed about.Is this not a family board where carers families can come and vent or joke or just tell how there day went?To get opinions from others?I have a question for you-Are you a sales represintative for amizon.com?Becouse I have noticed in several posts you have referred books from them.And as for my marital statis if you must know we are getting married next yearwhen win the mean time we are saving up the money for a very nice cerimony becouse I don't want to get married at the court house and he was a little commitment unfriendly when we first got together but that was due to his first wife who cheated on him several times while he was away at the Navy.But that is a long story and we have been together for three years.Maybe it's just me but your post sounded a little unfriendly and if I have interpreted it wrong I am sorry but this is my view and I know I did write the post so you had every right to reply to it but so do I and this is how I feel.And I do honer and respect Daniel but I do have a right to blow off some steam to sort of maybe put the breaks on a fight if at all possible.
This would be the post that you wrote in which I was speaking:
posted January 03, 2002 10:37
--------------
I do have one question for you gals...
Is it beneficial to your marriages to be venting in public...with the possibility of your husbands reading this thread?
Reading a number of these posts, I was just kinda wondering how a husband would respond, if he saw his wife taking jabs at him, even if it is meant in a light hearted manner.
I guess I come from the old school...where you "honor" and "respect" your spouse.
------
No race will prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.-Booker T. Washington.
A women is like a tea bag-only in hot water do you relize how strong she is.
-Nancey Reagen
The ultamate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convence,but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
------

Answer:

Originally -Are you a sales represintative for amizon.com?Becouse I have noticed in several posts you have referred books from them.
TJ says: No I am not a sales rep for Amizon.com. I am a driver for Marten Transport.
Originally And as for my marital statis if you must know we are getting married next yearwhen win the mean time we are saving up the money for a very nice cerimony becouse I don't want to get married at the court house.
TJ says: That's a little bit more than I wanted to know.
Originally
TJ says: He was alittle committment unfriendly when you first got together? What is he now? Deeply committed to you? Then why are here complaing about him never spending time with you and the kids?
I get it ...he honors and respects you by not spending time with you ... shazam!! Stupid me ... I should have realized that in the first place ... I'm doing it all wrong by spending time with my fiance and her son, when they fly here to PHX from NJ, stupid me.
Originally
TJ says: But does Daniel honor and respect you? (I think you already know the answer to that question too, huh?)
Originally
posted January 03, 2002 10:37
--------------
I do have one question for you gals...
Is it beneficial to your marriages to be venting in public...with the possibility of your husbands reading this thread?
Reading a number of these posts, I was just kinda wondering how a husband would respond, if he saw his wife taking jabs at him, even if it is meant in a light hearted manner.
I guess I come from the old school...where you "honor" and "respect" your spouse.
TJ says: Yup, that's my post ... and I'm stickin' to it!! I was very fortunate to brought up not only thinking that way ... but seeing it in action through the love and respect that my parents had for each other.
You know, I really have to admire you signature quotes at the end of your posts ... especially this one ...
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convienance,but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I believe folks know my measure (from my posts and positions I have taken here at car.Net and within the caring industry)... I guess the question for you is, and plz do this only in your heart and not here at car.Net, where does Daniel measure up to? (using MLK's quote as the yardstick)

Answer:

Here we go again...
WD
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards"

Answer:

For your information he's not out with his buddies-he's out with my father-second wouldn't you be a little weary trying to start a new relationship when your last one whent bad becouse your wife cheated on you.third if it is to much information for you maybe you should step back a second befor saying something without being "fully educated" about the whole situation.And fifth he spends every day after work and most weekends with me and the kids it just that I would like to get out of the house and although I do love my children away from the kids for a little while too.
------
No race will prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.-Booker T. Washington.
A women is like a tea bag-only in hot water do you relize how strong she is.
-Nancey Reagen
The ultamate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convence,but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
------

Answer:

I can relate to your post, and I may get backlash for this, but what the heck. I think that your significant other is already committed to you and your children , otherwise he would've backed out of the relationship ( kids or no kids), men do all the time, right ?
So, try to sit down with him, have a talk about how you're feeling. Stay calm, try to communicate. Let him know you need family time and "alone time" also.
Yes, I do come here to vent about my husband, just as I am sure he vents with his friends or family. We come here to have a sounding board to try to work through our problems with others who share our lifestyles. If we didn't what would the purpose of this board be...to swap recipes and jokes.
We address alot of serious problems here, laugh with each other, cry with each other.
So, please kepp it up. Missingdaniel, I hope it all works out for you. You're in my prayers.
Randi

Answer:

MD,
I totally agree with Randi. Just because a man goes fishing does not mean he has no commitment to you. I think EVERYONE needs a break from their spouses every once in a while. I know I love my kids, I also know that if I didn't get a lunch out with the gals every once in a while I would pull my hair out. Yes, I would say talk to him, schedule some time for you and him and schedule some time for just you. Take a breather. It's good to have time for yourselves, as long as you are both getting the down time you need.
As far as venting here goes: I say vent away. I don't type anything here that my Randy doesn't already know. I have met people on here that I consider my friends. Some people come here to relate and find common ground with one another. I am one of these people.
carer's families are different from other families. We face adversities that the "normal" 9 to 5 families don't. It has been good to "meet" and share stories with others that are here for that purpose. I say thanks.
Take care
StacyAnn.....live life

Answer:

I just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine that is also a journalist with the caring industry. We were discussing your post as well as a number of other issues.
She came up with a great suggestion ... (I'm amazed I didn't think of it myself)...
The next time he starts to head out fishing ... grab the kids, the other fishing poles, a picnic lunch ... and make it a "family" event.
If he balks at the idea ... you'll know where you (and he stands) on the idea of a true marriage and committment.

Answer:

I love these people who know how EVERY relationship works.
I also understand where you are coming from MD. I know what is like to feel trapped at home. But I also know what it is like to be smothered with togetherness. I am guessing here, but are you really upset about him going fishing, or is it just that you are feeling caged?
I agree with the others about talking to him and maybe setting time for you to be alone or with friends, time for him to do the same, and time for the two of you alone, and then of course the family time.
It seems to me that the majority of us vote for keeping the vents open here, so keep on sharing the good times and the bad with us. (besides, we like to know we aren't alone, and that we can put our 2cents worth in , and maybe help a fellow carers family.)
God Bless America!

Answer:

MissingDaniel,
I have come up with something that works for me.
Every Friday I try to go out with a girlfriend for lunch some shopping and just time away from home. My hubby is OTR and when he does come home 3/4's of the time he has the car so we are stuck at home with out a car, and I don't get out much through the week, as I live in my fathers 4 bedroom house and I have alot of cleaning to do and my father demands fresh homemade Italian meals which means a lot of time cooking and preparing, but Friday is my day, gone all day and if it happens that i am not back in time that is my order out night, gotta love pizza delivery.
Sweetheart make time for yourself the world won't stop, and the kids won't suffer if mom is gone for one day a week. You need time for you or you will go nuts. And as for venting here sometimes it gets some backs up.{I know from experience} But it is our right to vent with friends. They vent if they want to why can't we? It desn't mean we don't love these men. LOVE HONOR AND RESPECT does not mean welcome mat, or being perfect all the time. My husband can not ask for a better wife, his home is clean, his meals are prepared his bed is warm and his child is well cared for it doesn't mean that because I vent sometimes that any of that changes. I am somewhat insane at times to and need to release it. Here is great place to do it, no one knows your hubby personally, and it is better than talking to people who know him and can change thier opinions and make your life misserable{ I hope you understand what I am trying to say} Keep on venting here no-one should have to cross thier T's and dot thier I's here. It is a place to talk to others in simmilar situations, not to be judged or treated like you are less than anyone else because you don't want to listen to thier advice.
GOOD LUCK, and take some time for you
And here is ten pounds of Easter chocolate YUMMMMMM
Chantal

Answer:

Like others have said, at times we all need to just get away, unwind and take a break from life. This is probably what you mate is doing as well. This gives out bodies a chance to recoup and just take a break from every day stress.
I think tellybear has hit it on the head .. you need to take some "me" time as well, and just get out, run away for a day, do it for yourself and that in a rebound way will help your relationship.
My hubby can go fishing with the guys, I'm going shopping (ok window shopping). The important thing is to escape from the daily routines, just do what you want to do.
Kathy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer:

Thanks you guys I really appriciate all of the support that you have shown me.Daniel really is a great guy and we worked a lot of things out yesterday.Thanks again!!!
------
No race will prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.-Booker T. Washington.
A women is like a tea bag-only in hot water do you relize how strong she is.
-Nancey Reagen
The ultamate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convence,but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
------

Answer:

I,m glad to hear that things are getting worked out. Sometimes you just need a little perspective and the encouragement that it is okay to just get away and that the world will go on. I hope my words helped and that you and Daniel can find a happy medium. GOOD LUCK Chantal