Question:
HI LADIES,
IN MY LAST POST, I MENTIONED I HAD TRUST ISSUES AS A NEWLYWED,BELIEVE ME I HAVE MY REASONS. IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE HE'S A DRIVER. HERE'S THE STORY. WE WERE HAVING A ROUGH TIME ABOUT A YEAR INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP. I LOST MY JOB, AND THEN HE LOST HIS JOB ( TEMPORARILY). he told me he got an interview with a man named gary and was going on a short run - 2 dyas - to az and back. I CAME HOME ON THE SECOND DAY, AND HE WAS BACK, GETTING DRESSED FOR A NIGHT OUT IT WOULD SEEM. HE LOOKED AT ME, TOLD ME HE DIDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, AND SAID HE HAD MET SOMEONE ELSE AND HE WAS LEAVING TO GO BE WITH HER. (SHE WAS ACTUALLY THE DRIVER HE HAD BEEN ON THE ROAD WITH FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS). HE HAD MET HER ON THE ROAD AND HAD BEEN GETTING TO KNOW HER VIA THE PHONE FOR OVER A MONTH.
LONG STORY, SHORT VERSION, I LOVED HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP, SP I DID. WE ARE NOW MARRIED. HENCE, THE TRUST ISSUES. I WILL APPRECIATE ANY ADIVE, ANSWERS, ANYTHING... I DON'T WANT MY DOUBTS TO RUIN MY MARRAIGE. I RESPECT AND VALUE YOUR OPINIONS. THANK YOU

Answer:

Originally HE LOOKED AT ME, TOLD ME HE DIDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, AND SAID HE HAD MET SOMEONE ELSE AND HE WAS LEAVING TO GO BE WITH HER.
As much as I admire your determination to keep your man, I personally could not carry on a relationship with someone who told me that he did not love me anymore. I just hope that I never have to be faced with a situation like that but I can honestly say that if my Hubby told me that he no longer loved me then I,m afraid it would have to be the end of the relationship because I think I deserve to be valued more than that. I believe if you haven't got love and trust then you are always going to have a hard time.
I know what it is like to go through the break up of a relationship and I know just how much it hurts. My ex constantly told me how much he "loved me" and that he "couldn't live without me" but all that doesn't make any sense when you find out that he "loves" other ladies too! Oh, of course he wanted to "put things right" and realised how "stupid he had been" and that he "did not want to lose you" but when you have hit rock bottom and slowly got yourself back on your feet again it is the most satifying thing in the world to be able to look him in the face and tell him that you "don't want him anymore" and to "close the door behind him as he leaves"! That gave me the strength and confidence in myself to go back out into that big wide world and find someone who knows the meaning of love and trust. He is by no means perfect and we can fight just like any other couple but we always manage to resolve things because we have respect for each other.
I know these are probably not the words that you want to hear but however you get through your troubles please have great respect for yourself, you are worth it! I hope that you find a way to put the past problems behind you as you obviously think the world of this man. Good luck and look after yourself.

Answer:

I know exactly how you feel about the trust my husband didnt cheat on me but he started to have feelings for another co-worker (long story) anyway I also have many insecuritys but i just feel that i can not waste my time or energy worrying about what he is doing the table swings both ways he has to trust me also. I did tell him however that he needs to bring a box of condoms home with him when he comes..you never know....
sunnygirl167

Answer:

, I LOVED HIM ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP, SP I DID. WE ARE NOW MARRIED. HENCE, THE TRUST ISSUES.
WHY on Earth would you Marry someone who OBVIOSLY does NOT Luv YOU?
How do I Know that he does NOT Luv You?
B/c YOU TOLD Me so, when you said that you had to FIGHT to get him back.(Nothing ever lasts very long it it has to be FORCED to do something....which in this case he was FORCED for whatever reason to marry you, therefore, you need nOT be surprised if it does NOT last)
***The next MAN that you get in a relationship with, you should Let HIM DECIDE on His OWN whether or NOT he wants to be With YOU.(by doing that, you will be assurred that he TRULY Luvs YOU & Not just wanting to "Lay-Up" with you & Not just wanting You to help 'Foot-the-Bills')***
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There's a verse in one of Bonnie Rait's songs that goes something like this: I can't make YOU FEEL Something You WON'T & You can NOT Make Your HEART FEEL Something it DON'T.
That simply means that....You can NOT Force ANYONE to Truly Luv You if they Really DON'T, b/c he CAN'T FORCE his Heart to Luv You Either.
Besides, WHY Would you want someone to PRETEND to Luv you?(when a person is FORCED to do something, they ALWAYS REGRET that they 'went-along' with it, therefore, they will ALWAYS RESENT YOU for it)
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If it sounds like I'm being a bit harsh, please forgive me...I'm NOT trying to be...it's just that I've been thru something SIMILAR in the past.
You MUST have more Self Confidence & Self Esteem.
You MUST Know that You Do Deserve BETTER...You Deserve to have the BEST.(and he AIN'T it!!!)
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Please feel free to email me & I will give you my number & you can call me whenever you feel like "chatting".
My Email Addy is:


Answer:

Only you can truly know your own marraige. If you have fought for it in the past, obviously there was something worth fighting for there. A caring marraige is not easy, but it is possible for it to be strong and successful. Trust issues are something that we all deal with every day, on both sides of the coin, and not only were fidelity is concerned.
We can all offer our advice and our two cents, but ultimately it is you and your husband that are the only two directly involved here and you that know what is in your hearts. You will hear horror stories and success stories, and you have to shelve them for future reference but not let them so consume you that you start looking for thihngs that are not there. Past history is something that we must decide if we are going to let dictate the future, or if we are going to learn from it. That applies to both parties.
Deborah
Visit the Website!

Answer:

choclit snda .. you must of been hurt very badly to feel as you do. However, in almost ten years of administrating LOADS I have seen, many relationships have the "I don't love you anymore" syndrome to turn around to be the strongest relationships today.
When someone falls out of or decides to end the relationship, it didn't happen over night and it is never one party's fault, there is lack of something in the relationship, be it communications, respect, sex, desire, many factors change a relationship and although one may not want to admit it, it takes two to buid a relationship and two to make it fail or to reconnect and begin a new.
Rmbogrl .. let no one judge you for the decisions you have made. You have said you were going through some rough times. although it is not an excuse, can you prevent these things from happening in the future? There must of been something in your relationship that made your man stay with you.
I am not giving your husband an excuse, but you said the financial situation was when he started to feel he did not love you anymore; no this is not the only reason, there is more and for yourself, you need to know what there was. Maybe you have as you said now you are married; maybe you both were able to clear the demons out of your closet.
The past will always be there, there is nothing you or I or anyone can do to make it disappear, but you must forgive never forgetting. You need to share these fears with your husband and although it may not be pleasant, you have to tell him why and he is going to be the one to reassure you of the love and committment he has for you. Is it opening closed door? Sure it is, but you are not satisifed right now on the trust issue and without trust in your relationship, the wall will become to tumble down.
Kathy
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"The road to a friends house is never long"

Answer:

I agree, only you can know just how strong your relationship is and how far you have come.
My hubby and I started dating as teenagers and in the early years we had a lot of troubled times, break-ups, and I don't love you anymores. There is no logical reasons in the world we should have ever stayed together. But for some reason we did, even though at times I had to fight for what I wanted as well. His I don't love you was sometimes just words to say to push me away because he was afraid to get too close. It's now been more than a decade we have been together and have been happily married for the last six of those. There is no question of loyalty of faithfulness in my mind.
Many couples separate, and that's what makes them realize that they already had exactly what they wanted. This is more or less what happened to us, and I hope it is for you as well.
I gather from your posts that this happened over a year ago? (one year into the relationship, but said before you've been together 2.5 years) While it may seem like a long time in calander time, in heart healing time it's much shorter. But if given time, and chances to prove himself, this may get much easier for you. I wish I could assure you he won't cheat while on the road, but unfortunatly that's up to him.
Is he driving alone now, or is he partnered with someone? I bet it is very scarry to be in the same situation that started the hurtful one from your past. But if he's not with a lady driver like in the past, that decreases the risk. You must search your heart for how you truly feel on the issue of trust. Keep open communication with your husband, without being accusing.
I do wish you the best.
Bridgett
"Worry never robs tomorrow of it's sorrow; it only saps today of its strength."

Answer:

If you dwell on the fact he is going to cheat, or is he cheating you will cause problem in your marriage. If you confront him about it, you will send a message you don't trust him which may distant you anyway. I look at it like this. If he cheats then he cheats. As much as you love him if its going to happen it will.You need to be strong and know life goes on with or without him.It is not healthy to think you can't live without the other person. If my husband cheats I don't want to know. bottom line. I love him and he is great to me kids. He makes me feel my kids and I are the most important things to him. I don't want that to change. but if it does I know life is very possible with out him. I just wouldn't like it. lol try not to focus on it. some guys feel different after they are married. Marriage is more important then a girlfriend, boyfriend relationship.

Answer:

Trust is the biggest part of any relationship. I maybe should not speaking my mind in this instance since I am not married but here goes anyway. About 4 months ago an ex fiance showed up in our lives. At first I tried really hard to hide my jealous feelings but that only caused one BIG PROBLEM. To make a very very long story short we broke up over this. A little less than a week later I got a call back from him telling me that he had made a mistake and that she wasn't what he wanted in his life and that he wanted to be with me.
Where am I going with this soap opera story of mine? It all stems from trust. I trust his feelings. I trust that he doesn't want to leave me ever again. And that biggest thing is that trust is a two way street. The question you have to ask yourself, is can I really stay with someone that I don't trust 100%!
"Distance is a small number compared to a love that can last a lifetime..."

Answer:

The business that your husband is in is very unique. As with all jobs, it has it's temptations.
I kinda went thru the same thing with my old man. Kinda got tired of the breaking up, getting back together. The most rational advice as Choc. said in my situation too would have been to get away from it. But, I kinda believed in him and us. So for me, I just backed off and developed more of what it was in life that I wanted before him, before caring, before I lost sight of my own dreams and goals.
Although I still lose track of my goals from time to time (taking care of my daughter and being a mother to my own mom), he finally realized as I did also that our relationship was special. I have no fears and doubts anymore. But, should they arrise in the future (none of us can predict the future), I'm ready to go it alone. Always looking for a better opportunity, and working to keep that family thing strong and special when he arrives at the front door.
No, I don't stay home waiting for the phone to ring. Just take the darn cell phone along.

Answer:

most everyone who is or has been in a relationship has had or will have trust issues. Tommy and I just had this discussion yesterday.
I had issues with trusting him because he cheated on his x-wife many many times while on the road and when he was home, so did she. (Very twisted marriage). When he and I moved in together, she even called me to "warn" me about him and what he had done to her (she conveniently left our what she had done). Plus, we cheated on eachother a time or 2 when we first started dating. So, we both had (notice the past tence) a real hard time trusting. But we made it through it, have been honest about all the details, and will both testify that we are much stronger now because of of all the pain, anger, and making up we did. FYI - wounds cause pain, said wound will heal and cause a scar, scars make the tissue strong than it was before it was injured...... the heart is tissue and too will become stronger once it heals from the pain.
But if you sit at home worrying about whether or not your man (or woman) is being faithful, you are just going to make yourself crazay. First of all, worrying about it is not going to change a darn thing; second, you will make yourself and your spouse misserable and sick; third, if they cheat, its gonna happen whether you worry about it or not.
It is nothing but wasted energy. I try and focus my energy on the possitive and towards making the relationship better. Seems better spent that way to me.
Now, off to focus on how to deal with him being home all the time........
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
- Sir Winston Churchill