Question:
HI! I'm not sure I know how to cope. my husband just left on saturday to go over the road for the first time. He's in training so it will be atleast8 weeks before he gets to come home. I am going Crazy! He has only been gone two days and already I don't know what to do with myself. He's always been right by my side through everything. I don't know much about this car driving stuff, and even though I would like to think of myself as an independent person. I don't know if I know how to survive with out him. I have been crying myself to sleep. ( is this natural?) Any advice you could give me would be wonderful.
Thanks

Answer:

Seriously, take some deep breaths, in through your nose (stomach expanding out) and slowly let the air out through your mouth. Do several times.
Crying is the "norm" in this industry, especially for us wives. You are about to venture into "can I really be a carers wife" and with the fine folks here, you'll have a support team helping you along the way.
It's understandable the void you feel right now, the feelings of "what do I do now are" also justified. Sort of like the "empty nest syndrome." It's going to take a week if not more to start to understand that you can be independent and dependent at the same time and allow these feelings to be okay.
Do you work? If not, can you? By occupying your time, it helps fill in the lonely hours. How about volunteer work? What's important is not to sit by the phone and wait for it to ring, it's not going to happen.
Are there projects around the home or things of that sort that you've put off but have the time now to do them? And that radio, turn off the music that depresses you, usually country and western. Just during this "trial" period, change some things around of your normal routine.
When you have time, go to and you'll see where other wives have given input on things they do to survive the long distance relationship.
Right now, you need to take it day by day, not week by week. 8 weeks for training? Who will he be driving for?
And let me assure you, you are not going crazy ...
Kath
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"The road to a friends house is never long"


Answer:

Thank you so much for the advice. To let you know a little bit about me, My husband and I have only been married since June. We use to live in a little town about 45 miles from where we do now. We lived there for about a year, while my husband was employed as a correctional officer for the state of Texas. HE just recently quit that job and decided he wanted to be a car driver. I don't know wich is worse. When he quit the prison it was on such sort notice that we didn't have any money saved up and we couldn't afford our house so we ended up having to move in with his mother. While he has spent the last 8 weeks in car driving school we have been living there. I have been out on my own for quite some time and that situation just isn't working. But I am going to school and working part time. I can't afford a place of my own untill he starts bringing home a pay check. I think once I finally get my own house my attitude on this situation might be better but at the moment I feel a little resentful towards my husband, because he has not only left me by myself he has also left me with out my own nestting place. does that make sense? He seems to think he's gonna make all of this big money out there on the road and I just don't see how. It seems to me like he's gonna have to spend the majority of it for living expenses out there. To answer your ? he is in training for CFI at the moment, (is that a good company?) I just don't know much about the caring industry. Anyways, I guess I'll quit rambling. Tanks for listening. I'll be sure to check out that website.
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Tara

Answer:

Tara,
There's nothing I can say that will make this easy. This may not be so much a car driving problem as it is a relationship problem. I don't want to cast doubt on the relationship, but if it isn't solid, you're in for a rough time. If, however, you and your husband have a solid foundation, this will be just another turn in life.
Did he really think about going out on the road or was it just a spur of the moment thing? I know mine was just on a whim, but I didn't have a wife and family. If you don't have kids, do you want any? Will they have a father? What will home life be without dad home for at least a week at a time? I don't want to burst your bubble, but this is the reality of caring.
On the positive side, your husband has the opportunity to see things and go places he probably never thought possible. He is entering into a business that has nearly limitless upside potential. He, as a driver, will learn all the skills necessary to earn a living for a lifetime. If you aren't tied down at home, you can go with him. It might be just as boring in the car as it is at home, but at least you're together--never know, might be exciting.
Concerning the money issue, he will spend as much on the road as you will let him. You can make it on the road on much less than most people think. If you eat every meal at a car stop including snacks, drinks, smokes, etc., you can expect to spend upwards of $30 per day (that's $11000 per year). However, if he's home regularly (once a week is considered reasonable) and you could fix him up some home-cooked meals and freeze them, he could nuke-em at car stops (last I checked, microwave use is free ). He will need a good cooler or fridge to keep everything cold or frozen. Imagine you're going on a week long camping trip, what do you pack? One other possibility is military MRE (Meal, Ready to Eat)--they run about $5-$7 at your local Army Surplus (less by the case) and I loved them. They're calorie packed, have built-in heaters and it's a full meal. Anyway, he doesn't have to spend a lot on the road no matter what he tells you.
Now, he will need (really, really want) to spend money on things that you don't think are important. CB radio ($100-$250), electric cooler ($50-$100)-saves more than that is a short time by allowing you to buy drinks at the grocery for ~$0.25 instead of at the car stop for $1.10, occasional hooker (I'm kidding). You'll notice your phone bill will go through the roof, however, think about this, one hour at $0.10 a minute is just $6.00. Don't try to skimp on phone bills, let this one go, but get the best rate you can.
Another thing you may want to do is keep a map (preferrable a wall map) and keep track of where he is. This way, you can let him know what's around within just a couple miles. For example, is there a concert nearby he may want to see?
I understand, in function anyway, what you must be/will be going through. If you'd like to talk further about it, feel free to drop me an e-mail and I can send you my phone #. I promise I won't try to hit on you or make you uncomfortable in any way, I'm happily married and don't need another .
Best Wishes,
Rodger Castle

Answer:

All excellent advice!
I'm jealous!
If I were in your shoes, I would finish school, and go and get my license! I can't think of anything I would rather do than travel around with my husband and actually get paid for it!.
For me though, that will have to wait for a bit. I have 3 kids to raise up for the next 15 years or so!
If you teamed together, that would definitely solve the living at mom's problem, and think of all the money you could tuck away for your own home if you stayed out on the road for a year together!
Awesome!
I went out with my hubby for a week this summer and absolutely loved it! I didnt want to come home! See if you can go with him for a trip, and see if you like it.
You may be surprised that you do!
Anyhow, keep in mind that we are all here for you, and take care of yourself.
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"You only live once...but if you do it right the first time, once is enough"

Answer:

The first year is the hardest. If he decides to stick it out, things will get easier for you too.
I thank heavens that although the caring industry is a hard job, and I worry every time he leaves the house, I know that he loves his job and it's much better than my job of being stuck in my cubicle staring at the walls and worrying about impossible deadlines that other editors impose upon me.
It takes my mind off things to help others less fortunate than me. It helps to know that I can tackle (with the help of our male friends) the big chores around the house, so when he comes home he can spend the time with me instead of car repairs and house stuff.
I used to (new mom, don't have the time now), write him long, long letters. They went on for days, and when he had the time he would read them and have a good idea of how it was going on the home front. Yeah some of it was ** and moan, but lots of it was full of love and admiration of him and the hard job he has of providing for us. And he wrote me long ones too.
If I had the nerve I would have gone on the road and teamed with him. Goodness knows he's asked me to a hundred times. If you have any interest, by all means do so. And once he's out of school and an accomplished driver maybe you'll go along sometimes. You'll see that it's not all fun and games. I went along and can wrestle tarps and chains with the best of 'em.
You've come to the right message board. There are lot's of people here willing to listen when you need a shoulder to cry on. E-mail me if you want.
And become best friends with his mom. It helps a lot if she's on your side.
Hopefully his company has e-mail to the car. It helps to have an instant way to keep in touch and you don't have to bother dispatch.
Good luck, hang in there, it will get better.

Answer:

Welcome Tara! I am glad you found this wonderful place. Yes, you are going through a big adjustment right now, and being in an uncomfortable living situation is making adjustment a little more difficult. You will find your own rythm eventually, and after a while you will roll with the punches and adjust.
What is important to me is finding your own individual way to handle situations that arise, and not to second guess your decisions. I know that not being in your own place right now makes this difficult, but once you are, it will be like the start of a new adventure.
Being a new wife on top of being new to caring is not easy. You have visions of what marraige is supposed to be like, but remember, life is not a fairy tale, sometimes I think some of us caring families have stronger and better relationships than those of our neighbors who live so called "normal" lives. The fact that we work at our relationships probably has a lot to do with it. Yes, it is work to some degree, but don't let that frighten you. It is more a labor of love than work.
There are many wonderful posts here that will give you some insight into how we all cope, and what works for some of us. I say some of us, because despite the fact that we all deal with caring as an integral part of our relationship, we are still, and will always be, individuals. We all have our own priorities, and we each relationship has it's own little quirks and things that make them work.
Keep the lines of communication open. Consider your phone bill an investment in your marraige, not an expense. Don't be afraid to speak to your husband about what you are feeling and thinking, but do it in a straightforward, non-whining manner. Let him discuss his feelings as well. Don't think he is loving being out there away from you. He is having feelings too that he might not feel he is able to communicate.
Visit us here, and by all means, follow the link Kathy gave you, there are many many years of experience in the list she sent you to.
Hope to see more of you!
Deborah

Answer:

i guess the guys have to make the earnings or else you would be doing that and he would be home and doing (trying to do all the local chores). but for whatever reason he has chosen to go on the road and leave you home, to be sheltered from the hard life on the road, be happy that your man is a real trooper and is getting into one of the hardest and rewarding ( not money wise) businesses. yes there is money in this buisness but avan ladys or mcdonalds burger flipper makes more money, but there is still a little more pride in driving a great big rig, (althoiugh DOT would like you to think other wise)

Answer:

This place has been great for me.
Hubby and I had a rocky start but we are going on 5 years of marriage. He has been wonderfully supportive of my job change and I am going to try to be just as supportive of his job change. Although I hope to be by his side one day! I love to drive! But got to get the kids out of school first! (5 years left)
Then he can teach me to drive and we can do like lots of other empty nesters do, make a living while seeing the country in an apartment size Winnabego (sp?)! Make love in every state! (sorry its been almost 2 weeks!!!) Save money and then build that log cabin with the big front porch on it that I like so much!!
Can't wait till then!
Sorry ladies for going off the subject!
Debbie